Dear Self

Dear Self,

This letter has been long over due
I would like to start by saying I am sorry...

For ignoring you for as long as I've had you,
For not taking the time to really know and understand you,
For not taking the time to listen and empathize with you
For never taking the time to consider how you feel about the way I have been treating you
For not making you a priority

For judging, condemning, punishing and dismissing you,
For rebuking you every time you voiced your opinion and teaching you that you don't matter
For bullying you into compliance even when you cried and screamed no!
For pushing you into action even when you didn't have the strength to keep going

For not tending to you when you were sick and not nurturing you when you needed me
For not protecting you, instead violating, wounding and bruising you at the core
For leaving you in the care of others when I should have been the one taking care of you
For leaving you to fend for yourself when no one would take you into their space
For giving other people the unjust responsibility of caring for you when it was my duty alone
For not being moved by your cry , your expressed fears and concerns

For never allowing you to have trust and confidence in me
For never making you feel you belong to me and you're mine
For never making you feel special, unconditionally loved and validated
For ever making you feel like a burden and never considering your important contributions
For blaming you when things did not go my way
For resisting you and denying your presence in every way imaginable
For shutting my ears when you screamed help
For being cold and uncaring

Many times I left you starving
I often wanted to get rid of you
For you were nothing but a pain in the chest for me
A burden I felt I needed to get rid of
Little did I know that you were my Self, an integral part of me I can't live without
I came so close to losing you and the day I called you and you refused to answer, I knew I had gone too far
I have hurt you, the one person in my life that is more important than anyone else
There is no words to describe how sorry I am
You are the soul mate I have ever searched for, the one true love of my life
The one person that has loved  and unconditionally accepted me, and yet the one person I have hurt the most

I know it won't be easy for you to trust me again, but I am willing to wait on you
And from now on, am not going anywhere and neither am I doing anything without you
From now on you are my number one priority
and on this new journey, you will be loved, cherished and honored by me the one person you've always wanted this from
You will be listened to, heard and validated by me, the only person who's opinion matters.
You will be comforted, motivated and encouraged by me, the only person who's voice counts.
You will never be judged another day in your life, not by me, the only person that matters
I will never violate you again, I will instead protect and nurture you as I should have all these years

I love you and I ask for your forgiveness,
That you take my hand as I reach out to you
Come walk this journey of life with me
I have  made mistakes and learned the hard way, 
And now I have come home to the truth, that I am nothing without you my dear Self
And that with you I am all that I need to be
So take my hand and let us partner together
Together let us make this gift of life work